I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Psalm 91:2 (KJV)
So what did this verse speak into my life this week. That question was asked by Melissa, and as I pondered on Verse 2, I know He truly is our only refuge and fortress. In the midst of my life’s trials, my storms, my valleys, my fears, He is the safe place (my hiding place), my shelter that I need to run to.
My most recent storm was suddenly losing my Mom, and I was not expecting so much grief because I am a child of God, a perfectionist, the first-born, the protector, the caregiver, and Mom had suffered for many years, and I knew this day was close, but not prepared for it when that phone call came. I had spent much time with her since I retired last year, and told myself she wanted to go and was ready, and I had done everything possible, and I would not have any guilt. Was I wrong! I am no longer in control and in order to be in control I have to run to Him, my refuge, my shelter, my strength.
On Melissa Taylor’s blog this week she shared one of Karen Ehman’s videos with us, and in it Karen reminded us that we need to run to Him daily. Yes we need to walk in faith and sit at His feet. I was reminded that He is our hiding place. Enjoy one of my favorite songs by Selah called, “You Are My Hiding Place”.
Since Melissa shared this reflection verse, I have spent some time dwelling in this Psalm and reading and savoring. As I studied Psalm 91, it’s helped me through some of the grief. That first verse tells me to “lean on Him”. That’s what I am doing because some days if left to me I would sleep and eat. I have done little this week and at times felt like this was not normal and I was going crazy. How can a Christian feel this way? I know God’s plan is perfect. I have had a hard time concentrating, even overwhelmed at times by feelings of sadness, guilt and loneliness, and then there is that pressure to be strong. How can a child of God have these feelings?
We never have to be alone or suffer or cry alone. God is always there for you and me to lean on. It will take time to get through this grief, but it will come as I spend time with Him in his word and prayer, and stay in touch with others – my church, my Bible study group and my OBS sisters and Melissa’s blog, and exercise and maybe take a long walk and bathe the dog this afternoon when I finish writing. Yes, there are days I have one of those waves of grief and tears, and then God puts something on someone’s heart that blesses me and reminds me I am a child of God, His daughter and He hurts when I hurt, and I start counting my blessings and giving thanks.
Each day something shows up in the mail from a sweet friend or OBS sister. Yesterday, a perfect book called “A Time To Grieve” by Kenneth C. Haugk from a fellow sister. In that book he shared my exact feelings and said to do exactly what I’m doing and that is whatever I can each day – the simplest of things that take my mind off my Mom. Simple things like music, prayer and scripture, exercise, reading, talking. That’s what I’m doing – little right now, but more each day and I learned from that book it is ok to “feel crazy” and that was the most common feelings of grief. Today a sweet email and devotion from Melissa sharing some of the same feelings when her Mom died.
I took Psalm 91 (KJV) and added a personal twist on it because not only Ps 91:1, but all the way through spoke to me. Here are a couple of my favorites with me’s and I’s added:
Psalm 91:1 – I who dwell in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under His shadow.
Psalm 91:2 – I will say of the Lord, He is MY Refuge and MY Fortress, MY God; in Him I will trust!
Psalm 91:4 – He shall cover ME with His feathers, and under His wings shalt I trust. His truth shall be MY shield and buckler.
At all times no matter what is happening in my life, I need to be dwelling in the shelter of my Lord.
Verse 91:4 was a nugget for me this week. “He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.”
Psalm 17:8 (KJV), “Keep me as the apple of Your eye; hide me under the shadow of Your wings.”Don’t you love that?
Corrie Ten Boom prayed every night that He would cover her with His feathers. I need to remember that. Perhaps that would help me go to sleep faster.
Thankful every single day for his covering. How about you?