Tag Archives: Miscarriage
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Moving Past Things I Cannot Change – Moving On

4 May

 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”  Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr

Moving into different seasons of life is similar to changing seasons.  One thing we have to remember is God is in control.  Seasons change, but God never does.

Moving past what we cannot change sometimes can be hard. Sometimes we have to be still, and know He is in control.  I have learned that I can move beyond what I cannot change.  It can be difficult, but we have to trust in the One who is in control, and remember His plan is perfect.

Here are some things I have learned in my different seasons of life:

MARRIAGE

We marry.  Things change.  We have to adjust to different toothpaste, different ways of cleaning, being messy, being neat, introvert/extrovert and on and on.  We have to learn to love all the good things and get past the bad.  We have to learn to sit down and talk about our differences, what is bothering us, what we need.  We forget we married each other because we loved each other just as we were.  Why is it that we want to change that very person we fell in love with?  Why are we trying to change them?  Sometimes we  just need to stop and accept that person for who she/he is and how our Father made them, accept them where they are at, love them anyway, pray for them, and let God move in their lives.  Sometimes we have to forgive betrayals, and at times it is only by trusting in our Lord that we can put it in the past and move on.  We all sin every day and fall short of the glory of our Lord.  Why is it we can not forgive as our Father in Heaven has forgiven us?

CHILDREN

Psalm 127:3 (KJV) “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

We have children, but we walked through a season of not being able to have them because of miscarriages.  You can read about that here.  Being a mom is tough and I wrote a very long post about that here. During this season we were suffering through  staying up late, ear aches, changing diapers, excited watching them learn to crawl, walk, talk and then go to school, and grades, and sports, and off to college and then there is another adjustment.

Even today being a Mom is tough watching our children suffer the loss of babies and our first grandchild being born with a horrible disease.  We have cried, prayed and always put it in the Lord’s hands and watched as He as worked miracle after miracle on our grandson and our kids.  Today we are blessed with five grandchildren after storming the gates of Heaven and trusting that He would answer our prayers in His perfect timing.  He did BIG!  We have moved past what we could not change and thank Him every single day for all He has done today.

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

It has been years now since our nest became empty, but I remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember the day our daughter pulled out of the driveway to go to college, and I bawled.  Really!  She was only about thirty minutes away and would be coming home most weekends and our son was still here and going to the same college, but I bawled.

She finished college, moved back home and got married just three months later, and our son was still here and working and we hardly ever saw him between work and hunting and dating, but soon he married and left.  I didn’t bawl, but I sure missed him driving up each afternoon from work or worrying about him at night not being able to fall asleep until I heard his pick-up pull up in the driveway.

We adjusted easily.  I suppose many have feelings of grief, loneliness, anger, but for us it was a time of excitement.  Both left and married and we gained another son and another daughter.  They married Christians.  What a blessing!

We had each other and that’s how we began – in love and helping each other.  Sure I missed them running up the stairs.  I missed their help.  I missed them talking to me, but they were just down the road a bit.  But GOOD GRIEF there was less washing, less ironing, less cooking and it was like we were first married again.  We would lay on the sofa, or I would lay and put my head in his lap, and watch television.  We went out to eat more. And well, it has been a wonderful season.  We still DO!!

There are times I still miss them if I don’t see them for a few days, but that’s not often now that we have grandchildren.  I watch the babies and toddlers often.  Three of our grand babies were born this March so they are two months old and then there are toddlers ages two and three.  Life is full of happiness.

The empty nest is what we make of it.  Rekindle that marriage.   Build a new relationship with your kids and their spouses.  Let me tell you though that being a Mom can still be tough watching your kids suffer through miscarriages, infertility, and for some even worse – divorce and loss of a child.

TAKING CARE OF AGING PARENTS

As tragic as it was to lose my Dad at 68 with a heart attack, I can count my blessings that he didn’t have to suffer, and he didn’t have to watch Mom suffer.

After Dad died we watched Mom go through so much depression.  She could never get back to her self.  Until the day she died she was ready to be with him.  She came to live with us girls after he died and we maintained her home and her yard miles away because she wouldn’t let us sell it.

People if you are living with your kids sell that house so they don’t have to walk through that pain when you are gone.

Mom fell one day, broke her leg, and while they were replacing the femur in her leg she got a horrible bacterial that ate thru her leg.  She went septic and spent months in the hospital, and then they had to amputate and she was in a nursing home.  It was a hard time, but it was a blessed time and I focus on that.  I focus on all the activities I attended with her.  I only missed one – her last Fall party because we were out of town.  I spent days up there taking her meals, and reading to her.  You can read a little about walking through that loss here.

This was a difficult season, and I dread our kids having to walk through this one with us, but I know it will be, and they will get through it.  Today, I cling to all the sweet moments and the precious little trinkets I have laying around that Mom gave me like her little tea cups.  I think of her every day through those reminders and I thank my Lord for her and my Daddy as I look at his old radio, pipe holder, and desk.

We can get stuck like Mom did losing a spouse.  I know it will be difficult if my spouse goes first, but I do know the only way I can walk through that season is to walk through it with my Lord clinging to all the good times we are having today, and staying active and volunteering and being with family.

RETIREMENT

I’m retired.  My husband is not, but he’s talking about it. because this March we had three new grand babies.  Three.  Can you believe that?  You can read more about that here and here and twins here and another one here.  We are excited.  We had all five grandchildren here this week together for our kids birthday’s.  What fun, what joy!

Retirement for me has been bliss, but it’s also been a little hard because well I have filled up my days.  I’ve heard of people retiring, sitting down or quitting, and they don’t live long.  Shortly after I retired, I began spending more time with my Mom.  I became a volunteer for Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies.  I began to substitute teach.  Now I help with the five grandchildren.  I am never bored.

For me every season of life is what we make of it.  Moving on with God because without Him some of them I would never have gotten through – seasons of not being able to have children, seasons of losing our parents – too hard to do alone, seasons of watching our children suffer through infertility and miscarriages.  I’m overwhelmed by His love for me through all my seasons.

Joining my friends Susie and Crystal today.

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Between the Lines with Blogger Loves The King

17 May

Katherine from Catherine’s corner is hosting a blog series called Between The Lines.  I was thrilled when she sent out an invitation to recognize and celebrate bloggers over fifty. Each week she has been hosting different bloggers, and I am honored to be one of them this week.

I retired in 2011 after 43.5 years with the Department of Defense, and shortly after that my life totally changed.  I love retirement, but after being so busy my whole life the slower pace was wonderful.  It gave me time to do things I had only dreamed about like teaching, on-line Bible study, and later blogging.

Retirement

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Shortly after retirement I joined an on-line Bible study.  It was there that  I started blogging with encouragement from our leader, Melissa Taylor who is part of the Proverbs 31 On-Line Bible Studies.  She had a weekly link up on Thursdays where we shared thoughts about the book we were studying.  Eventually, I got the courage to see what it was all about, and actually taught myself through the WordPress free site.

My first blog was in  December 2013.  We were in the midst of one of those remodeling projects, and well it went on way past when the short time they promised.    I could not decorate for Christmas, I had no time to shop, and we were crawling in our bedroom window some nights to sleep as new tile floors went in.  I had a whole lot to say about In Christ Alone at Christmas.  It is one I will never forget.  We had to hire someone else at the last-minute to get the carpet in the day before our family was arriving.

Who knew I would still be doing this.  How life has changed since my retirement, finding on-line Bible studies, and learning all about Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, and Twitter.  None of that slowed me down because retiring after 43 plus years I was well into the computer world, and I love how blogging and on-line studies have kept me up-to-date in the technology world.  For such a private, shy woman, I have come out of my closet and share most of life now.  Notice I said most.

My main purpose for blogging has always been to leave a legacy for my family and future generations and right now it’s these two precious boys and our son and daughter.  We are praying earnestly for more grandchildren, but if you’ve read my blog (My Most Memorable Christmas Gift – Trust Fund Baby) you will see how hard it’s been for me and our children to have children.  I firmly believe God’s plan is perfect, and I believe because of our faithfulness He will bless us with more grandchildren.  Our family knows first-hand the miracle of babies.

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Katherine asked us to share our feelings about being over fifty and being a blogger over fifty so here goes?

I never feel over fifty.  Honestly, most days I still feel like that young bride, and still in love with my precious man of 46 years.  I am sixty five.  That sounds so old to me, and probably to you also.  I retired primarily to spend time with my Mom knowing her days were numbered.  I spent a lot of time with her reading devotions and taking meals to her.  Sometimes I would watch her sleep and work on my Bible studies just to spend more time with her.

I love life and live it to the fullest.  Hey, I was out pushing a mower today around the pool and the pedometer has over 11,000 steps.   In addition to blogging, I started substitute teaching after retirement too, and I am a volunteer team leader for the on-line Bible studies I mentioned, and I keep my two grandsons running after them because they are one and two.   So I am very active.  I love taking them on long walks and so ready for the pretty weather so I can load them up in that double stroller and roll.

I have joined a group of ladies called His Girls Gather and we meet every couple of months to learn new things about blogging, and to just gather and share.  I traveled recently to Baton Rouge, LA to meet up with the girls.  That trip was about and eight-hour drive for me alone, but I had so much fun and learned a lot.  Our group is growing and as you can see we are all ages.

Many of His Girls Gather share our blogs at a site called Women at The Well, and are featured here.

I don’t feel like being over fifty has hindered me in my blogging world because I truly believe the older we get the more experience we have – trials,  joys and there is so much to write about.  You’ll find much on my blog about my trials of miscarriage, infertility, loss of my Mom, a grandson born with a horrible disease you can read about here and here, and how I have grown through all of my studies.  As Titus 2:3-5 says, I want to be that older woman who teaches and encourages younger mothers and wives so that they may come to love Him more.

Join us in the “Between the Lines” series and hear from many other bloggers who are over fifty.

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Our Scars Are Beautiful

25 Feb

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Scars can be horrible, scars can be beautiful.

Somehow God brought me through my teenage years with no scars.  My scars all began in my late twenties – ugly scars, happy scars and sad scars.

My first big ugly scar was in my late twenties – a trampoline scar.  To this day I can’t stand trampolines.  My son used to beg to go next door and jump on the neighbor’s.  NO!  That big giant, ugly scar down the side of my leg brought too many reminders of how when two people jump on a trampoline and are acting crazy one can be thrown off and break her hip (fortunately the doctor said it was not her neck), requiring a pin down the side of the leg and months of therapy).

Another ugly scar in my early 40s happened when I was coming down our stairs, and me, the one that is always rushing was trying to come down with two big Rubbermaid containers of winter clothes on a cold January day.  Well, I missed the last couple of steps coming down backwards and bam – broken wrist with compound fractures, bones sticking out and two surgeries and nine months later, I could use that wrist again.

My first happy scar was when my son was born about 37 years ago.  He was coming breach – bottom first, and a c-section was in order.  Several years later I had toxemia with a pregnancy,  and a little girl only 2 pounds and 6 ounces had to come early.  She was also breach and required a second c-section.  Happy scars because of the joy they brought.

The older we get the more we have those sad scars – scars that cut deep and they may or may not be seen by others, and they can plague us for years and years to come if we don’t let Jesus take hold, and if we can’t find forgiveness.  These are scars that life brings like childhood abuse, divorces, miscarriages, infertility, abortion, death of family members, loss of jobs, loss of a business, infidelity, alcoholism, drug dependencies, and that list of scars goes on an on.

How do we heal those sad scars?

First, we can’t let those scars define us.  For me, it is only by His strength and leaning into Him when I feel like I can’t go any further.  How others get through things like losing a child or parent I do not know if they don’t have Jesus to carry them through.

Second, show your scars.  Jesus never hid his scars.  He came back and showed them. He wants you to show yours and let Him comfort you.  He wants to heal you.  When we show others our scars and what we have been through, those scars can become a ministry to others and help us to heal.  Let Him redeem you from those scars, wear them, and use them for His glory.  Tell your stories and show others that God can heal.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve watched him heal friends and family from so many of those things I’ve listed above, and He can you too.

Let Him mend your shattered hearts.  Take a moment to listen to this song.  It truly walked me through one of the hardest times in my life.

And this song I just heard this morning while writing this blog.  I think God wanted me to hear it and you too.

Joining Suzanne Eller today on Live-Free Thursday and the prompt is “Our Scars Are Beautiful”.

 

 

 

HEALED

13 Jun
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Pixel Scrapper Photo

Psalm 147:3-4 (KJV)

He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

 He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names.

Are you broken-hearted today, filled with grief or pain from losing a child or other family member, miscarriage, infertility, guilt from an abortion, marital problems or divorce, and addiction, rape, the repentance of a loved one, a friend’s deceit, news of a terminal illness, bankruptcy, taking care of an aging parent, or a child with special needs.

Sometimes we deal with a spouse’s infidelity or we have committed the infidelity.  Sometimes we lose someone we have been engaged to or planned to marry.

This list could go on and  – there are so many things that have and will break your heart and mine.

None of us are immune to being broken-hearted.  In fact, I believe all of us will go through being heart-broken in at least one or more of the things I’ve listed above.  For me this year it was the loss of my Mom during  Valentine’s week after many years of watching her suffer not only physically but mentally from depression of losing my dad – for eighteen years she could never let God heal that pain.  I

 

Like some of you, I experienced miscarriages –  both early and late after hearing heart beats.  As I went through miscarriage after miscarriage, I was told my chances of having a child were zero.  Little did my doctor know the Great Physician would change that zero to a hundred percent.  See “My Most Memorable Gift From God – Trust Fund Baby”.

Some of you may have a baby in an intensive care unit.  Our daughter was 2 lbs 6 ozs and nine weeks early.  Our hearts broke she was in the hospital for over two months wondering if we would ever bring her home.  It was a daily journey not knowing from hour to hour if that fragile, teeny, little girl would survive the NICU, but thousands of people all over the United States were  lifting her and us in prayer. God was with our broken hearts all those weeks as we watched her suffer and go through ups and downs, and finally God healed her and we brought her home.

We were brokenhearted when we lost a nephew about to start college in a car accident, and later his brother who was about to graduate from college died unexpectedly.  Yes we have known broken-heartedness watching a mother grieve in the loss of both of her boys – that gut wrenching grief that you never want to go through or see.  Holidays were not the same and never will be without those precious boys.  During that same time my husband and I both lost our dads within a few years apart.

Did you know our awesome God is concerned about our broken hearts?  He has the power to heal our broken hearts if we run to Him and ask Him to heal our pain.  In Psalm 34:18 it says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”.  Have you ever read the story of Lazarus?  It is a touching scene of Jesus crying at Lazarus’ grave. He hurt with Lazarus’ family. He hurts when we hurt.  I have often wondered how people deal with grief when they do not have God to carry them through.  It is unthinkable to me how I could have gone through any of my heartbroken times had I not been able to run to him,  and let him heal my heart.

Maybe that is why I love this verse and it is staying on my mind as we study to memorize it this week.  Do you remember when you were a child and you would get hurt and run to your mom, and how she would love on you and take care of your wounds or even a sickness like tonsilitis or strep and making you tomato or chicken noodle soup?  Mom would make chicken noodle soup for me.  I loved it when Mom would come in and put clean sheets on my bed when I was sick.   I remember being up all night with my toddlers who had many ear aches and rocking and cuddling them, and when they were older getting their wisdom teeth out and taking care of them.  Do you know that is what Jesus does – he takes care of us when we run to him?  Psalms 147:3  gives me a picture of me crawling up and sitting in His lap and him cuddling me and healing my broken heart as He wraps me in His arms.  I don’t have to picture it though because He is there to do it anytime I come to Him in prayer with a broken heart.

When my heart is hurting, I run to my Lord, my Father.  So if you are brokenhearted today my friend, take that brokenness to the only one that can heal it, to the one who really cares, and to the one who hurts with you when you cry!

Lastly, I share this song.  It was the one song that God gave me that carried me through one of the biggest heartbreaks of my life.   I hope it carries you through like it did me.  Johnathan Pierce in Healing Hands and the video is amazing.

 

My Most Memorable Gift from God – Trust Fund Baby

20 Dec

For the past month, I have been studying the book Greater, by Steven Furtick with Melissa Taylor’s Online Bible Studies.  One of Melissa’s blog topics this week was Trust Fund Baby – My Most Memorable Gift from God.

My most memorable gift (after salvation)  is also my most memorable blessing and that is God’s gift of the births of my two children. The Bible says in Psalm 127:3 (KJV) “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

When we married we talked about having 5 or 6 children – we both love kids.  For years we were unable to have a child. I kept miscarrying and kept wondering why and praying.  It was difficult because we were so involved in church, and I was always helping with baby showers.  It is also difficult on a sister who has younger sisters and sister-in-laws who are having babies.  I didn’t realize at the time I was a “trust fund baby” but God knew.  His plan is perfect.

So one day in April 1979, after 10 years of marriage, a little baby boy was given to my husband and I.  We loved him long before he was born. I have never felt as much joy as I did that day.  The joy and thrill of a nurse laying that wrinkled little boy in my arms to feed never goes away, that joy never changes.  Here is a picture of our baby boy his first Christmas.  He was saying, “Ho Ho Ho” (6 months old).

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He is still and always will be my little boy who is now grown and as loved as the day we brought him home. He loves the Lord and has not been one who climbed a ladder of status, but one that loves and serves the Lord and works as if unto the Lord.

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A few years later (Oct 1981),  we were blessed with a baby girl who was over two months early and weighed in at 2 lbs, 6 oz. and spent several months in the hospital. At times she was not expected to live, and if she did we were told she would have problems mentally and physically.  Here is a picture when she was almost two months old at Christmas with her Dad.

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Little did the doctors know that our God is the Great Physician and she would grow up to be a valedictorian and also Sigma Cum Laude. She added a special joy to our lives and completed our having children because the doctors told us I could not survive another pregnancy because of the toxemia. Today she continues to have a servant spirit and loves her God with a heart of gold.

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For many years I still thought of those miscarriages – those babies that are in Heaven. I just could not thank God for losing them.  One evening I was at a prayer meeting and sitting with a couple who had just miscarried and God said share with them – share with them that you would go through all that pain again to have the joy and the best gifts from me that you could have ever imagined.

Today I can honestly say that I give thanks to God for that pain.   I would go through it over and over again to experience the JOY of the last 33 years with my son  Mix and my daughter Amanda.  What treasures they are, what gifts they are – the most valuable gifts I have ever received!

Moments of a lifetime – those moments when God blessed us with children and all the precious memories day-to-day that we have cherished and continue to cherish as we spend moments together in person, on the phone, on Facebook, and through email.

Today I realize I was and am “a TRUST FUND BABY” as Pastor Furtick calls it.  “God is my trustee.  He puts our prayers in a trust fund.  You have your own trust fund set up too.  When you pray for something and that particular thing doesn’t happen, who’s to say God isn’t taking your faith and the prayers you prayed about that situation and posting them to another account in your life that you’re going to see at a future time”.   Oh thank God that He took my prayers and put them in that trust fund and saved those babies for a future time.  WOW!  Look at the JOY I would have missed had I not endured that pain.

Is this not a precious sight?  My “trust fund” babies.   They were probably about 3 and 5 here in this picture.

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What a wonderful Christmas season I am anticipating as my children and their precious spouses join us.   Those are the only gifts I want this Christmas – my family.  And now God has blessed us with 4 children – a son, a daughter-in-law and a daughter and son-in-law that we adore.  Guess what they all rocked my world when they said they would study “Greater” with me.  And how could my husband not say yes after his kids did?

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In my blog last week I talked about one of my favorite words which is JOY.  This week as I ponder on 3 John 4 (KJV), it says “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”

I thank God for the most precious gift I have ever received, my children (all 4 of them) Thomas Mix and Whitney, and Stephen and Amanda, and I praise God that I am able to say that I have no greater JOY than to hear that they are walking in His truth.

JOY to you this Christmas! May you know the Joy of having children that love the Lord!

Debbie

 

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